The Smile Has Left Your Eyes by Danielle N. Dawsen

Trigger warnings: homophobia, homophobic slurs, physical abuse, violence, suicidal thoughts, self-harm, suicide attempts, alcohol abuse, drug abuse, depression, anxiety, PTSD, explicit language.

“We’ve been best friends for fourteen years. Did you really think I wouldn’t notice? I can see it… in your eyes. Your smile never reaches your eyes.”
When Aspen Ace falls, he falls hard. It’s a gradual descent that happens so naturally, Aspen doesn’t even recognize anything’s changed until he’s already neck-deep in an unrequited love for his best friend, Rafe Alvarez.
Nervous and insecure, Aspen brings this new revelation to the person he trusts most—his older brother, Alex. He doesn’t expect to be met with unconditional acceptance, but the reaction he receives is nightmare fodder. Regret barely scratches the surface of Aspen’s emotions when his brother decides to blackmail him, but with no other option, Aspen learns to survive. Aspen can deal with the abuse as long as Alex keeps his sexuality a secret. He’ll just wait it out. Aspen will graduate high school with a baseball scholarship and get the hell out of his conservative hometown… if he can endure. But he can’t, and Aspen’s suddenly fighting not only his brother, but the all-consuming monster in his head.