Swipe Right for Husband by V. K. Ludwig

There’s an alien in my bed. Also, he claims we’re married.
After a girls-night-out, I expect to wake hungover — not next to a horned devil lovingly introducing himself as my husband. While he contemplates a name for our first child, refusing to leave my place, I call the cops.
But they don’t kick him out. Nooo…
They fine me for attempted spousal abandonment.
Apparently, that love nibble this Vandalar gave me last night makes me his mate. Now I’m stuck with an alien who says he studied a million ways to please me. But, really, he’s about as annoying as any average husband.
Thing is: I’m not wife material. I don’t do marriage.
All I need from this guy is the d-word.
Not that d-word. The other one.
As in divorce.