Jamie’s Got A Wand by Julia Mills

Put your head between your legs and kiss your booty buh-bye, you’re never gonna believe what’s goin’ on now.

It all started with a surprise visit from a mouse… Well, not really a mouse… Billy’s a Greater Bilby… But that’s just a fancy Australian name for goofy gray rodent with big, pointy ears and a nasty disposition. I mean, I guess…to be politically correct I should… Oh, hell, when have I ever given a rat’s behind about bein’ politically correct?
No time for BS. I’m gonna Joe Friday this bitch. You know, just the facts, ma’am and all that happy horseshit.
Here’s what I have so far:
· Plea for help from Billy the Bilby
· Missing Sloth, who also happens to be my Mate, not to mention a Deputy with a badge and gun which would be so helpful right now
· A tingle in the palm of my wand hand and a wiggle in Wanda’s shiny little tip ~ sure signs somethin’ wicked this way’s acomin’
And… Wait for it… This is the BIG one. Big, like we’re all headed to Hell in a handcart at a high rate of speed with no brakes, no passing Go, no $200, and no clue what to do ~ H-U-G-E.
· Every single one of the Dragonettes is conked out. Completely and totally unresponsive. Like colorful, little Sleeping Beautys snorin’ all over the place. Yeah, you’re so right. I said, “Oh, shit,” more than once, too. Trouble is, we’ve got no colorful little Prince Charmings to pucker up and lay one on ’em. Life without my fiery sidekick is just plain boring. Oh, and, scary as all get out.
Talk about trouble with a capital T and that rhymes with ME, and that stands for the crazy-ass Witch who better get her butt in gear.

Bubble, bubble, who the hell asked for a bubble.
We’re off to the Swamp, a nasty hex to tromp.
Wanda the wand is rarin’ to scoot and the crazy Wolf came too…t. (Sorry, rhyming’s not my thing. Talk to Daisy. She’s the danged poet.)
Grab your boots, your magic, and a big can of bug spray, I’mma need all the help I can get. Don’t worry ‘bout the Gators, they’ve been fed, even that nasty little redhead, Nannette.

P.S. If you see Dash, tell him to get his Slothy butt to the Swamp!