After His Banana by Penelope Bloom

What comes after His Banana?
Technically, that would be me.
Before you label me as a potassium sucking harlot,
Let me explain a few key points…
I didn’t have time for relationships, especially not with someone like Miles Chamberson. But considering my circumstances, I didn’t really have a choice.
Yes, he was the kind of offspring only generations of exceptionally attractive people could create. Practically dripping with so much perfection you could choke on it.
Then again, I was almost certain he was certifiably insane.
Within a few minutes of meeting him, he was already posing as a nude model for my clay sculpture class in a failed attempt to expose himself to me.
So when he handed me a banana, it was almost normal by comparison.
And after his banana foud its way into my mouth, well… I wish I could say that was where the saga of Miles Chamberson and I ended.
Miles
I prefer to start every potential relationship with an oddly phallic, edible object.
Why, you ask? It’s simple.
Watch any woman with a suggestive object and prepare to unlock the secrets of the female psyche. Does she favor it with a secretive little smile? Nymphomaniac. Does she flinch back, only to guiltily grab it a moment later? Cautious, but wild once she opens up. Does she throw it back at your head and score a direct hit, concussing you for two weeks? Softball player.
Or, does she pick it up and devour it, inch by inch? Does she slide that bad boy into the hatch and relish every moment of it? If she does, you have yourself a keeper.
The recipient of my latest banana was the latter, but there was one glaring problem.
Commitment and I had a troubled past. To be more accurate, I’d taken commitment out back and shot it until I ran out of bullets years ago.
But my old man, Bruce Chamberson, says there’s only one way I’ll earn my rightful spot in the family business. I’ve got to show him I can stick with something “for once”.
Lucky for me, I’ve got just the girl in mind to prove I can do it.